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This is my favourite picture of Alyson.
She looks really, really pretty and it makes my stomach feel all funny.
I used to have a big poster of this photo on my living room wall, but the
roof leaked and it got damp and mouldy. I don't know where I can buy
another one - I keep looking on Ebay but nothing turns up. I'm not sure what she is doing in this picture. I think she is being funny and kooky, or she might be trying to ignore her awful flip-flops. |
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A trip to the zoo for a
young Alyson. She has a special affinity with zebras, mainly due to
the magical red and white bracelets on her wrist which allow her to
telepathically communicate with them. I don't know where this photo comes from - it seems like something from a family album. Pictures like this make me sad because it reminds me that Alyson is actually a real person and I will never even meet her. I am so jealous of her boyfriend Mickey Rooney. He gets to act in films and stuff, and when he goes home he gets to be with Alyson. I suppose it is good that she is with somebody who has lots of money that can take care of her. I can't even take care of my cat properly because I can't afford the vet bills. My life is horrible. |
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Here Alyson is receiving a
Vulcan mind-meld from Mr. Spock. He was about to go back to the
Genesis Planet to save Captain Kirk, and wanted somewhere to store his soul
in case he got killed for a second time. He didn't want to give it to
Doctor McCoy again because he is too old and cranky. Alyson
volunteered because she is kind, and has experience with metaphysical
essence transference from her time on Buffy. Mr. Spock was blown up by an inverse phaser charge, and he had to grow another body with no memory. When he went round Alyson's house to get his soul back she was on the toilet, so she couldn't answer the door straight away. He was so impatient that he broke a window to get in! He even tried to smash the lock on the toilet door and mind-meld with her when she was having a poo! There's a moral to this story - never help a Vulcan to store his brain, because it might put you off wiping your bum properly. It's good advice. |
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This photo is from a very
sad time. Alyson had just split up with her first boyfriend, Eric
Clapton, after she discovered that he was already married. She was so
upset that she became consumed with hatred and became EVIL. So she
dyed her hair black, drew on her face with a biro, put on a Chairman
Mao-style jacket and tried to destroy the world! However, just as she was about to leave the house to purchase a geo-stationary orbital laser cannon, it started to rain. As she held out her hand and caught some cooling raindrops, a passing child carrying a symbolic red balloon started to hum the theme tune to Airwolf. These events merged into a quasi-religious experience for Alyson, and she realised that she didn't really want to be evil and that everything would be all right. Horrible Eric Clapton was later arrested after accidentally admitting to the murder of a sheriff, when he was denying his involvement with the death of the deputy. He was sentenced to 25 years in the Travelling Wilburies. |
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This is Alyson in scary
vampire make-up from Buffy. This episode was set in an alternate
dimension or was about clones or something - you know, like they have all
the time in Star Trek because they want to make a cheap episode just using
the regular actors. My friend Carl says that this is what Alyson looks like all the time, because she's not nearly as pretty as Sarah Michelle Gellar. He's an idiot, though - he thought Jar-Jar Binks was really funny, and he still lives with his mum even though he's 33. And he borrowed my They Might Be Giants CD, and when he gave it back it was scratched! I hate Carl. I'm going to beat him up when my arm is better. |